Local Emotions

#17  

We all wrestle with our emotions.  Men, women, children; it’s just part of being human.  We all have the capability to be compassionate.  We all have the capacity to be non-reactive.  Women, men and especially children, can be non-judgemental, should we choose to be.  And we all have the ability to be non-critical.

Human beings can choose how to handle emotions.  We are very capable of continuing to love another person while not liking a particular behaviour exhibited.  Both women and men can elect to be of support in moments when those we love can’t process their feelings any other way in that particular point in time.

We have the capacity to allow their wave of emotional release to pass by us without getting all caught up in it.

More about this subject can be found in the next Conscious Coaching tip titled  #18  Stand Tall

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Understanding

#16  

Understand that being human means having and dealing with emotional experiences.  Both women and men react impulsively when it comes to dealing with emotional issues.

By being there for each other, by understanding each other’s needs to release emotions – be they emotions of happiness, sadness, anger or what have you, and supporting each other during their emotional expressions, we are taking steps in a positive direction.

Understanding that whether we are male or female, there’s going to be emotional experiences to deal with, prepares us for the realities of healthy and normal relationships.   Going into a new relationship or addressing the needs of an existing relationship with that understanding, allows for a win to occur.

The next Conscious Coaching tip will be #17    Local Emotions

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Open to New Experiences

#15  

It would be of benefit to both men and women to consider being coachable, teachable and open to new experiences.  When we decide to be in relationship with someone, we take on the responsibility of bringing into that relationship a certain side of ourselves.  I’m suggesting to consider the following:

Choose to bring out the best in yourself.  Choose to bring out the best in your partner.  And choose to bring out the very best in your relationship.  By making these choices, you are choosing to co-create an environment where you both feel nurtured, safe and happy.

What’s past is past.  Now choose something different.  Creating healthy new patterns is the fastest way to heal old wounds.  Forgive.  Forget.  Do whatever it takes to move you from where you are now to where you truly want to be.  Others may show you to the door, however, you have to be the one who steps through it and embrace this way of being.

The next Conscious Coaching tip will be #16   Understanding

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Seeking a New Awareness

#14 

Both women and men seek to avoid some of the hard feelings felt within committed relationships.  To get a new awareness, a certain task much be done; a task that is simple and yet often very difficult to do: and that is to ask questions.

If past experiences have “taught” you to the contrary, consider this current relationship as a chance to get back on course.  Communication, physical contact and commitment allow for connection; an excellent approach to having a strong and co-creative relationship.  The more you hide from each other in an attempt to feel safe and free from hurt, the greater the gap to close.  Hiding your head in the sand like an ostrich only leads to one thing…no vision of what is going on.

Care enough about the relationship to get clarity on the situation.  Care enough to unlearn what life’s hard knocks has presented as “truth.”  Care enough to take a real long hard look at what honest truth really looks like and ask questions to get the answers you so wish you knew.   Here, ignorance is not bliss.

Neither men nor woman are mind readers.  Rather than living in the dark alone with unknown possibilities rattling around in your fertile mind, get the facts; find out the truth.  Don’t allow the lies you accepted to prey upon your mind and drag you down old familiar paths.  Get out of the stinking thinking and into the reality of your relationship.  Decide to put your head above the parapet and take a real good look around.  Get an honest lay of the land.

The next Conscious Coaching tip will be #15   Open to New Experiences

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Connection Rejection

#13

On Tip #10, Rejection Really Sucks!  I spoke about how rejection by a woman can play out for a man.  This time, I will speak to how connection plays out for a woman.

Connection is to a woman as air is to a man.  To women, it’s a need, not a want.  A woman looks forward to the lines of connection to be flowing and fun.  When a man tells a woman that he’s going to email, call, text her, or whatever, she expects him to follow through.  Even if it’s just to tell her that he doesn’t have the time to connect as first thought.

Brushing aside this nugget of information as trivial is like brushing her aside.  She’ll “understand” why you didn’t follow through, if it happens periodically.  Let it “happen” often enough, and that “understanding” starts to translate into feeling disrespected, not worthy and unloved.  She is wounded to the core.

And as a man feels a need to make some choices, a woman too will, as if by default, pull back from a man, not trust his word, and eventually, pull out of the relationship.  It’s nothing personal, it’s simply survival.  It’s that serious to her.

As the saying goes, “If it’s important enough, you’ll find a way.  If not, you’ll find an excuse.”  Find enough reasons, explanations or excuses and you’ll find that she’s excused herself out of the relationship.  It’s that simple.

Men and women really are more alike than they are different.  Neither enjoys being rejected.  So how can both women and men avoid some of the hard feelings?

Tune into The next Conscious Coaching episode when the topic will be #14  Seeking a New Awareness.

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Love Hurts?

#12

There is a song put out by the group Nazareth called “Love Hurts.”  Many people have heard it, danced to it and sang along to it, tears streaming down their face as they reinforce its message.  Now 40 years later, that 1970’s song has had a chance to impact a lot of people.

The phrase “love hurts” has become a common expression.  People say it all the time.  The problem is that people have come to believe it.  The idea of falling in love will lead to being hurt. And it’s simply is not true.  Break ups hurt.  Let downs hurt.  Being cheated on hurts.  Being misunderstood, rejected and not acknowledged, hurts.  But love?

Love does not hurt.  Love is a good thing.  Love heals.  It is uplifting and wonderful.  It’s why poems are written and why songs are sung.  People have been focused on the beauty of love even before the Greeks revered Aphrodite.  Yes, love can be a many splendored thing….if you let it….if you allow it.

My desire for all men and women who have been hurt after putting their trust, faith and heart into another is to have the courage to let go of the past and take part in the new.  Let love lift you up where you belong – where the eagles cry on the mountains high.  Step towards your success and reap the rewards.  Rescue yourself from the false negative energies you’ve attached to love.  Be your own hero.

The next Conscious Coaching tip will be #13   Connection Rejection

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Luckily by Design

#11

Luckily, by design, men were born with an innate need to provide, protect and solidly connect with the women that they love.   All they ask for in return is to be accepted for who they are, graciously accept what they have to offer and be acknowledged for their time, effort, resources, thoughts and deeds.

Women were designed to add value, sparkle and life to a union in which they are connected.  They breathe life into a relationship.  Women seek to belong, feel safe, feel loved, and be appreciated for their contributions.

We’re made to fit together in more ways than one.  We just have remember that and act accordingly.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our stories that we forget to be nice to one another so that things can flow and go smoothly.  We protect ourselves by conditioning ourselves to expect to be hurt.  To avoid that hurt, our typical go to place is where we put up our shields.  We don’t realize that we are not in caveman days where it was beneficial for us to pay attention to the negative in order to stay alive.  Our lives are not truly in jeopardy if we ignore the negative, yet we act as if that is the case whenever we feel hurt, especially in our hearts.  Relationships don’t have to hurt, do they?

We’ll find out if that is the case on the next Conscious Coaching tip titled #12 Love Hurts?

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Rejection Really Sucks!

#10 

Being rejected by a woman he just met is an awkward and often embarrassing pill for a man to swallow.  However, being rejected by a woman he has given his heart to, is like death to a man.

Sure, a man can be resurrected from the dead, but it’s not easy and a little piece of him never quite fully revives.  Being rejected numerous times forces him to make a choice he’d rather not have to make.  Rejections of a man’s offers of his time, resources and especially his heart and soul, often puts him in a position to choose either to become distant in order to protect himself from more pain or in the interest of trying to please a woman and make her happy, become less and less of the man that the woman was first attracted to.  Neither of these options are a win for the man.  Neither of these options is a win for the woman.

In the interest of giving women a clearer picture of this scenario and meaning no disrespect to the men, the following will hopefully serve well.  Women, when a child gives you a gift – a bouquet of dandelions, a picture he drew, making you breakfast (oh, the mess in the kitchen!) and you accept it, the look of love, adoration, and pride is clearly seen.  Reject that gift and the pain, bewilderment and him pulling away from you becomes very apparent.  Your man feels the same way as that child.  And frankly, so do you when you’re rejected or your time and efforts are not acknowledged.

Both men and women seek to please and have their efforts positively recognized.  When in a committed relationship, men and women would benefit from realizing and appropriately interacting in ways that are supportive, considerate, loving and accepting without judgment.

Commitment is the beauty seen in the tops of the relationship trees in the connection between two people who love each other.

The next Conscious Coaching tip will be #11  Luckily by Design

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